You: Hey paul i've got some questions...
Me: Have at it.
Q: Can i enter zero for the price when i download your music from bandcamp without feeling any sense of shame or embarrasment?
A: Yes. I don't know about the embarrasment, though.
Q: Can i burn that downloaded music to a cd and play it in my car, or on my stereo?
A: Absolutely.
Q: Can i burn 100 cds and try to sell them to my friends?
A: That seems like a whole lot of work, and i'd be willing to bet that you don't make any money at all.
Q: But, let's say i did. Are you going to sue me?
A: Let's just say, i can't afford a lawyer, so probably not. Can i have 30%?
Q: I work for a record label. Could i download your music, give it to a transcriptionist, have a studio band rerecord it, file for copyright, claim it as our own, and sue you for copyright infringement?
A: I guess you could. Again, that seems like a lot of work, and i don't have lawyer money, so whatever. Can i have 30%?
Q: how would you like a recording contract?
A: Do i have to live in a van, get yelled at by strangers, or spend a significant amount of time outside of my basement? If so, no thank you.
Q: Do you want to be famous?
A: Holy hell, no.
Q: Are you a member of ascap, bmi, sesac, etc.?
A: Please go away, and leave me alone.
Q: Do you want to be in my band?
A: My minimum fee is $40 an hour. If i have to put up with bullshit, it's $75 an hour. If i have to live in a van, it's $350 per day, cash, no exceptions. So, probably not.
Q: You suck.
A: Not a question, but thanks for noticing i guess. Please go away.
Q: Can i give you some money without demanding anything more from you?
A: Absolutely, we're friends now.
Q: Do you play live?
A: Only for a lot of money, so no. I play for free in my basement every night, record the non-terrible stuff, and give you the option to download it for free on bandcamp. I think that's a pretty sweet deal, considering i make no money.
Q: Do you shred?
A: No. I think we can all agree that what i do is the opposite of shred. My solos are known to induce narcolepsy.
Q: Why are your videos pieced together from stock footage, or focused on your fingers?
A: Because A) i don't have a decent video camera, B) i like syncronizing small gestures to music, and 3) i think it's funny.
Q: Are you serious?
A: Rarely, and always.
Hope that clears up anything you weren't sure about.
Cheers
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